Nov 5, 2021 · We’ve collected more than 100 of the best funny one-liners that are short, sharp and easy to deliver. And just to keep you on your toes, we threw a couple puns and jokes into the mix too!May 8, 2018 · 8. A woman cannot survive on wine alone; she also needs a dog. A woman, wine, and a dog are a natural threesome. This is such a fantastic one-liner that it used on t-shirts. 9. Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident. This play on words is a humorous truism that has you chuckling about a serious problem.5. One does well to separate one's career from one's life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance. Just dance. 7. Regardless of the temptation, don't lick a steak knife. 8. The most devastating force in the world is gossip.March is when the world hits the refresh button. Winter’s encore and spring’s debut, all in one – that’s March for you. A March morning can start with snowflakes and end with sunbathing. If February is about love, March is about the love of change. In March, the world doesn’t spin; it dances.Boy: “I’m not fishing, sir. I’m teaching these worms how to swim!”. Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, “I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!”. “That bad, …Best One Line Jokes About Intimate Parts in a Not So Intimate Fashion ~ Funny Penis Jokes - Impotence: nature's way of saying "No hard feelings". - A penis is the only thing that a woman hopes she will find hard to handle. - A rubix cube is like a penis. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.Absolutely hillarious dirty one-liners! The largest collection of dirty one-line jokes in the world. All sorted from the best by our visitors. See TOP 10 dirty one liners. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. All one liners Choose by topic For special events New one liners. age;Facebooks is better and helped to arrange 5 one-liners. These five one-liners are listed on the top of the blog. Ask from fellow equine friends. A person with experience in the equine industry or horse geek loves to give ideas. Go to his horse farm or home and ask for crazy jokes. Arrange best horse blog list and email them for jokes or puns.27. God must love stupid people. He made so many. 28. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 29. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. 30. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.The largest collection of ugly one-line jokes in the world. All sorted from the best by our visitors. See TOP 10 ugly one liners. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. All one liners Choose by topic For special events New one liners. age; alcohol; animal; attitude; ... OneLineFun.com - Funny one liner jokes. Created by Talmer ...We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us.30 Funniest One Liner Jokes. Check out these 15 Funniest One Liner Jokes we have found for you. They are the best Internet has to offer. 1. My therapist says I have a …Bring on the laughs with these family-friendly clean jokes that are perfect for kids, adults, work and school. Find corny jokes, one-liners and funny puns.Bar patrons love silly jokes, and especially bartender jokes. A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve food!" The hamburger says, "That's okay. I only want a drink." A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!" The chicken says, "That's okay. I just want a drink."The Greatest Rodney Dangerfield Jokes & One-Liners, Ranked. Jack Napier. Updated March 24, 202025 items. Ranked By. 3.2K votes. 441 voters. To many comedy enthusiasts, there was no greater stand-up than Rodney Dangerfield. He first grew in popularity during the 1960s and '70s as he would regularly appear on late-night talk show circuits.The prince of one-liners, the legend Rodney Dangerfield, started his career with an unusual catchphrase, "I don't get no respect.". Most of his jokes were based on this catchphrase derived from a discussion when he once overheard some guys while they were talking about respect. It was a light-bulb moment for him, and he caught on to it ...U.S. Army Jokes. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Spread Your Wings. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, "Oh look, a dead bird."The priest rolls down the window and a strong smell of wine wafts out. "Have you been drinking, Father?" asks the Garda. "Just water," replied the priest. "I can smell wine, Father," said the Garda. The priest looks from the bottle to the heavens. "Good Lord, he's done it again!".Every year, property owners around the country spend a pretty penny on home improvements of all kinds. The most recent statistics indicate that over $400 billion is spent at home i...Paul F Taylor (2014) "My father was never sexist, he beat my brothers and I equally.". Njambi McGrath (2016) "If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you're just late.". Joel Dommett ...Now I live in constant fear. 16- You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. 17- What’s brown and sticky? A stick. 18- The first rule of Alzheimer’s club…. Is don’t talk about chess club. 19- Remember…you are not completely useless.A: Panicking Skywalker. Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? A: Chocolate Chip Wookiee. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from Kylo Hen. Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber? A: Obi Wan Baloney.Well, today I can offer you 32 of them. Whether you're young or old, I'm sure you'll be able to relate to a few of them. I hope you enjoy them all and I hope they make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile. And remember this; we all get older, but getting old is a state of mind much more than anything else.24 New Year One Liners - The funniest New Year jokes - OneLineFun.com. My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier. One liner tags: fat, friendship, New Year. 76.81 % / 781 votes. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my tv.Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette number 1 which is your number one source for best jokes, one liner jok...32 Hilarious Steven Wright One-Liner Jokes. Story by Nick Venable. • 5mo • 9 min read. Many stand-up comedians who rise to household-name popularity tend to get their name out through yearly ...More Funniest Jokes And One-Liners. "Normally you have news, weather and travel. But not on snow day. On a snow day, the news is weather is travel.". - Michael McIntyre. "I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved.". - Sara Pascoe. "If I was an Olympic athlete, I'd rather come in last than win the silver medal.Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer.". The second says, "I'll have half a beer.". The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer ...U should of saw her face as I drove pasta. One liner tags: car, family, food, travel. 79.69 % / 495 votes. I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. One liner tags: life, travel.When my husband decided to up our income by creating an OnlyFans, it really took a load off my back. 9 3. u/mikeshumor. • 4 days ago. The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and add twenty percent. 19 3. r/oneliners.Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and …Top 100 funniest one-liners. 1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the …150 Black One Liners - The funniest black jokes - OneLineFun.com - page 2. Why don't black people go on cruises... because they aren't falling for that again. One liner tags: black, racist. 74.41 % / 433 votes. A Black says to his doctor: "Each time I have sex with a white girl my eyes hurt." "Yes, you are probably allergic to pepper spray."Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.”. – Phil Wang. “If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.'”. – Eddie Izzard. “I bought ...These one-liners are bark-out-loud funny! If there's one thing we can all come together and agree upon, it is this: Dogs are the best. They're cuddly, loyal, friendly, and oh so cute — and ...r/AskReddit. r/AskReddit. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. MembersOnline. •. gravitypulling. ADMIN MOD. What is the best, most hysterical one-liner you know? Great response, posted this last night and only just checked back, great comments.A magician runs into a man who doesn't believe in magic. "Prove to me that you can do magic," says the skeptic. "I bet you can't.". With that, the magician turns the man into an eyeball. Shocked, the man says, "Well, eye'll be!". A man goes to the eye doctor, sits down, and the receptionist asks why he's there.21. Eye jokes are the best. The cornea, the better. 22. One of my favorite things is when the Earth rotates. It makes my day. 23. I tried organizing a hide-and-seek tournament. But, good players were hard to find.As The Tim Vine Chat Show returns to Radio 4 for a summer special, we celebrate the history of the one-liner. The noble art of the one-line joke is almost as ancient as civilisation itself ...The largest collection of Christmas one-line jokes in the world. All sorted from the best by our visitors. See TOP 10 Christmas one liners. ... Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother. One liner tags: Christmas, family, kids. 77.32 % / 296 votes. share.Inappropriate Jokes on Death. My grief counselor died last week. She was so good, I don't even care. I lost my job as a zookeeper. There were signs everywhere that said, "Do not feed the animals," so I didn't. My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her an identical one. Now she has two dead dogs.The hip replacement joke, “Hip replacement? He was never hip to begin with!” is written to go along with a hip replacement cartoon by Marty Bucella that jokes about the character’s...He Went Up There". In one of his last appearances on The Tonight Show, Rodney Dangerfield riffed on a bunch of topics with then-host Jay Leno, including his father’s vices. According to this one ...One liner tags: animal, puns, Thanksgiving. 67.10 % / 94 votes. Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. One liner tags: fat, food, sarcastic, Thanksgiving. 66.92 % / 223 votes. My family always celebrates Thanksgiving with a fast. The faster we eat, the more food we get.Last week's jokes - where the topic was dentists - are here. The next week's jokes - where the topic is restaurants - are here. If you like these food jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics. And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us on ...Here are 175 really bad jokes, ranging from terrible puns and horrible one-liners to cringe- and groan-worthy jokes that are so bad they're good. 175 Bad Jokes 1.Here are 25 of Peter Kay's best gags, spanning his entire career: Warning: some adult humour. "There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in ...The Top 10: Jokes. A collection of one-liners from Twitter’s finest . John Rentoul. Friday 15 April 2022 14:45 BST. Comments. Article bookmarked.2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain. 3. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant. 4. 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A thief stuck a pistol in the man's ribs and said: "Give me your money.". The man replied: "You can't do this. I'm a congressman.". The thief replied: "In that case, give me my money.". Apparently, the snowmen want more sugar than corn flakes can provide.Here are 20 classic one-liners: Woody Allen: "Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.". Steven Wright: "I think it's wrong that only ...You’re So Fat Jokes. You’re so fat, when you skip a meal the stock market drops. You’re so fat, when you went to the restaurant and looked at the menu, you said ok. You’re so fat, you broke the family tree. You’re so fat, you put on your belt with a boomerang. You’re so fat, even your car has stretch marks.Aug 22, 2023 · Everyday Quirks One-Liners. “I mentioned to my wife that her eyebrow sketches were lofty. She raised an eyebrow.” “On my whiskey diet, I’ve misplaced a few days this week.” “Diving into a book on floating in space. I just can’t set it aside!” “I don’t grapple with madness; I relish its every tick.”Deadline: Monday.”. “Teamwork makes the dream work. Dreaming of a peaceful weekend!”. “Cheers to a team that’s stronger than our coffee. Enjoy your well-deserved break!”. “May your weekend be as filled with joy as my plate is with cookies.”. “Signing off to pursue my true passion – sampling the weekend’s brunch menu.”.If you like funny jokes then you have come to the right place! We have over 10,000 jokes through 50+ joke categories! Fan favourites include our Dad Jokes, our Chuck Norris Jokes and our Funny Riddles!We really do have jokes for everyone here from corny one liners to cheeky insult jokes.. Choose one of our Joke Categories below or dive right in to the …People get ready, the 45 best Christian jokes are coming your way! 45 Funny Christian Jokes. Canva/Parade. 1. ... - 101 funny one-liners - Best knock-knock jokes for kids. Trending Stories.Email: [email protected]. Hot: Bruce willis children Ben savage wife Jaime Murray Scuml Christian hogue. Have fun with your loved ones by sharing these FRIDAY JOKES and one-liners with them. Friday is one of the best days of the week that makes everyone relaxed.