Aug 3, 2023 · One word: Comedy! In the words of famous pianist and conductor Victor Borge, “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”. If you have ever watched the way people’s faces light up upon hearing a joke, then you’d know that Victor Borge was right. It’s simple psychology.44. "You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don't smell like Santa." —Buddy the Elf, Elf. Will Ferrell plays Buddy the Elf in this modern classic filled with funny Christmas movie ...By using sarcasm, individuals can vent their frustrations or disappointments while finding solace in their witty remarks. In conclusion, these 20 savage humor and sarcasm quotes have shown us that laughter truly is the best medicine. In a world that can sometimes feel too serious, these quotes offer a much-needed dose of levity and wit.We have rounded up some of the best collections of funny one-liners on life, funny quotes, hilarious captions, and sarcastic status messages and jokes. Here are some one-liners about life that will surely get a smile on your face. Don't take life too seriously. Just laugh. That's the perfect counterbalance to life. Also See: Funny Words of ...Look no further! We have compiled a collection of over 50 cat jokes one-liners that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. Whether you're a cat lover or just looking to brighten your day, these jokes will have you laughing out loud. So sit back, relax, and get ready to unleash the laughter with these hilarious feline-inspired jokes!87.62 % / 1796 votes. share. My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk". One liner tags: beauty, communication, love, sarcastic. 82.35 % / 1423 votes. share. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."Part 2. Funny Quotes That ARE… Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines. Go to table of contents. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts, and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, and backgrounds.Embrace the art of sarcasm and humour with over 50 clever one liners to add a playful twist to your interactions with friends and loved ones. Today with these 50+ sarcastic one-liners let laughter reign supreme. On this One-liners Day, laughter takes centre stage as we exchange witty banter with those dear to us.share. When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. Then I was born. One liner tags: age, attitude, birthday, puns, women. 78.86 % / 444 votes. share. Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles." One liner tags: birthday, doctor.It's feeling crummy. It takes guts to be an organ donor. To the person who stole my place in the queue. I'm after you now. My printer's name is Bob Marley. Because it's always jammin'. It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.Funny Quote T-Shirts to Win Smiles, funny tshirt quotes, witty sayings on shirts, humorous one-liner tees, sarcastic slogan tops $ 15.55. Add to Favorites Funny Girlfriend Shirt, Unisex garment-dyed heavyweight t-shirt, Gift for Boyfriend, Ex Boyfriend Gift, Shirts that Go hard, one liner shirt ... Indian Movie Dialogue l Bollywood Tshirt l ...Funny One Liners. "Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. - Dilbert". "Always remember that you are absolutely unique…. Just like everyone else…". "As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free…". "Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink ...Sarcastic Quotes Funny. Sarcastic Quotes. Sarcastic One Liners. Funny Thoughts. Bitchyness Quotes. HankandSue Gordon Side. 625 followers. Comments. No comments yet! Add one to start the conversation. More like this. More like this. Humour. Humor. True.13. Short Retirement Quotes. Here are quotes that are short and sweet—ideal for texting and eliciting a chuckle or two from your retired friend or family member. "Retirement: Enjoy every day.". "Retirement is not the end, it's a new beginning.". "The best is yet to come.". "Life begins at retirement.".Unkind, But Funny "You're So Ugly" Jokes. 21. He's so ugly, he didn't get hit with the ugly stick, he got whopped with the whole forest! 22. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. 23. She so ugly, she'd make a freight train take a dirt road. 24. He's so ugly, he'd scare a buzzard off a gut pile. 25.Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Classic Game of Chicken. U.S. Navy Warship: “Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision.”Jul 11, 2023 · From short and snappy lines to clever wordplay, humorous observations about people and life situations, and even some delightfully corny jokes, this compilation of one line humor is designed to bring you laughter and brighten your day. Short Yet Funny One Liners.Long Star Wars Jokes. Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures. Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke's still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, "Use the forks, Luke." Stormtroopers in quarantine are like, "I miss people."49. "Love means never having to say you're sorry.". Aw, how many decorative wall art pieces did this inspire. Just kidding, cheesy or not, this line has been repeated a number of times since the film's release in 1970. Run with him to a minute and 30 seconds to hear the line.These clever jokes will lift your spirits, brighten your mood and get you giggling in no time. From witty one-liners that require some humor to good one-liners …Witty One Liners about Men. "You can't belay a man who's falling in love." ~ Edward Abbey. "An empty man is full of himself.". "A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn't want." ~ William Binger. "The male is a domestic animal who ...Retirement one liners. Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in. One liner tags: puns, retirement, winter. 92.41 % / 1762 votes. share. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. One liner tags: money, retirement, time. 80.61 % / 411 votes.Absolutely hillarious kids one-liners! The largest collection of kids one-line jokes in the world. ... sarcastic; school; sex; sport; stupid; success; time; travel; ugly; women; work; Today is Jun 1, 2024 One liner of the day. ... Do you know a funny one liner? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Advertising • Terms of ...Apr 16, 2024 · 50. Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire. 51. My friend gave me his EpiPen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. 52. You don't need a parachute ...Sarcastic Quotes That You Can Use as Captions. A psychologist can't fix stupidity. Apparently, it's not a disorder that is recognized. Always remember that you're unique. Same as everyone else. Avoid arguing with fools. At a distance, spectators can't tell which one is which. Be very careful of humans.The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. One liner tags: insults, rude, sarcastic. 79.14 % / 236 votes. share. I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you. One liner tags: insults, rude. 79.12 % / 175 votes.Political one-liners. "Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first." —Ronald Reagan. A vegan bitcoin ...Here are some funny one liners to help you out: 51. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”. – George Carlin. 52. “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups.U should of saw her face as I drove pasta. One liner tags: car, family, food, travel. 79.69 % / 495 votes. I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. One liner tags: life, travel.Like perfectly timed funny quotes, a sarcastic comment can put someone rude in their place or help you make a self-deprecating joke (think: tripping over your …Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners. "7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.". - Steven Wright. "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.". - Steven Wright. "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.". - Steven Wright. "A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so ...These are some of the cleverest funny one liner jokes you’ll ever read. They’re almost too awesome to be true. “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.”. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”. “I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.”. “Worrying works!1. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. 2. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. My IQ test results came back. They were...You’re like a fine piece of cheese – the older you get, the more you smell, but people still love you. Happy birthday! Don’t worry, [insert age] isn’t so bad. It’s just a little closer to [insert age plus 20]. Happy birthday! You’re like a classic book – everyone still loves you, even if you’re a little outdated.Mar 22, 2022 · Good Comebacks. 1. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. 2. When somebody ...My grandma always said "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire. One liner tags: communication, death, sarcastic. 74.92 % / 102 votes. My buddy set me up on a blind date & said, "Heads up, she's expecting a baby." Felt like an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper. One liner tags: attitude, communication, friendship, puns ...Funny One Liners. “Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert”. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique…. Just like everyone else…”. “As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free…”. “Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink ...28. "The easiest way to organize your stuff is to get rid of most of it.". 29. "When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it." —Bernard Bailey. 30. "Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep." —Carl Sandburg. 31.What's the best part about Valentine's Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. One liner tags: food, money, sarcastic, Valentines. 71.52 % / 72 votes. I can't wait for Valentine's Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me. One liner tags: food, life, motivational, sarcastic ...1. #23. "At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work. They finally went with mine. "I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said. "No," said the boy.22. "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.". - Mark Twain, entrepreneur, writer, and humorist. 23. "If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.". - Benjamin Franklin, writer, inventor, and diplomat. 24. "Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.One liner tags: attitude, car, work. 82.66 % / 708 votes. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. One liner tags: car, christian. 82.56 % / 2770 votes. I got gas for $1.39 today. Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell. One liner tags: car, food, money.Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. One liner tags: family, marriage, Mother's Day, sarcastic. 46.93 % / 89 votes. share. For Mother's Day, I got my mom a case of Bud Lite. After all, I'm the reason she drinks. One liner tags: alcohol, kids, Mother's Day, sarcastic. 42.48 % / 346 votes. share.Funny Borat TShirt, Humor Adult Men's Women's Gift T Shirt, Adults TEE, Couple's TOP, Unisex Crewneck T-Shirt, Very Nice Soft Style Clothing. (21) $13.19. $16.49 (20% off) The Legendary Dad: Master of Fixes and Hilarious One-Liners. Unisex Jersey Short Sleeve Tee, Fathers Day Gift. (7)Feb 7, 2024 · 40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback. Yeah, surely the quotes you’ll find below aren’t sarcastic. Not the slightest bit. They’re just as light and cheery as daffodil fluff floating in the azure summer sky, with no dual meanings, no sly remarks, and no storm clouds here. Nuh-uh, no way.Jan 8, 2024 · Sarcasm is a clever and often ironic way of expressing oneself, and when combined with puns, it creates a delightful concoction of wit and wordplay. In this article, we present a collection of over 100 sarcastic puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re a fan of quick one-liners, enjoy funny puns for sarcastic remarks, or ...Inspirational and Sarcastic Funny Senior Yearbook Quotes. "If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.". - Anonymous. "Always borrow money from a pessimist. They won't expect it back.". - Oscar Wilde. "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.".Short & Sweet Funny Mother's Day Quotes. 1. "Mom, I love you, even though I'll never accept your friend request." — Anonymous. 2. "If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start." — Anonymous. 3.Jul 31, 2023 · Here are some classic one-liners that golfers have been using for years: “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.”. “They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.”. “Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.”.44. “You stink. You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.” —Buddy the Elf, Elf. Will Ferrell plays Buddy the Elf in this modern classic filled with funny Christmas movie ...Absolutely hillarious kids one-liners! The largest collection of kids one-line jokes in the world. ... sarcastic; school; sex; sport; stupid; success; time; travel; ugly; women; work; Today is Jun 1, 2024 One liner of the day. ... Do you know a funny one liner? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Advertising • Terms of ...May 18, 2023 - Explore defy gravity's board "Sarcastic one liners" on Pinterest. See more ideas about sarcastic one liners, funny quotes, sarcastic quotes.What a better way to make somebody laugh than a well-timed funny one-liner? That's why we've compiled a list of the best single line jokes split into six distinct categories: Short Yet Very Funny; Clever and Witty Pun-liners; People related; Life Situations; Corny and Silly; Animal Related (Great for kids!)Witty One Liners about Men. "You can't belay a man who's falling in love." ~ Edward Abbey. "An empty man is full of himself.". "A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn't want." ~ William Binger. "The male is a domestic animal who ...When you think of the SEC, "fun" isn't the word that usually comes to mind. When you think of the US Securities and Exchange Commission, “fun” isn’t the word that usually comes to ...It’s feeling crummy. It takes guts to be an organ donor. To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now. My printer’s name is Bob Marley. Because it’s always jammin’. It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.Jan 19, 2024 · Famous sarcastic sayings for hilarious remarks. They say if you can cleverly blend sarcasm with some humour, then you are intelligent. Using funny, sarcastic sayings is a perfect way of stating your thoughts funnily and less harshly. Here are sarcastic one-liners to get you started: People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day ...Feb 19, 2024 - Explore John Wendt's board "Funny one liners" on Pinterest. See more ideas about funny, funny quotes, bones funny.We have rounded up some of the best collections of funny one-liners on life, funny quotes, hilarious captions, and sarcastic status messages and jokes. Here are some one-liners about life that will surely get a smile on your face. Don't take life too seriously. Just laugh. That's the perfect counterbalance to life. Also See: Funny Words of ...Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes. A small collection of the most funniest and sarcastic one liners on the web. Read it - enjoy it - share it. Whoever told you to be yourself could not have given you a worse advice. You are not pretty enough to be this stupid.He has so many funny moments throughout the show's 10 seasons with his sarcastic persona oozing humor at all times. Chandler is the master of the one-liner due to his blend of being funny alongside being insanely sarcastic. Here are just 10 of Chandler Bing's many, many hilarious, sarcastic one-liners. "I'M GLAD WE'RE HAVING A REHEARSAL DINNER.125 Funny One-Liners That Will Crack Up Your Friends. Be the funniest person in every room you walk into. By Bob Larkin Carrie Weisman. March 7, 2024. Pepsco Studio/Shutterstock. We've all experienced awkward moments of silence. They can happen anywhere, even in a gathering of old friends. There's a lull in the conversation, and nobody knows ...Jun 14, 2018 - Here are some funny one-liners. They are witty and they all made me smile. I hope they brighten your day too. Take a break and enjoy them. Jun 14, 2018 - Here are some funny one-liners. ... Here is a list of 150+ Funniest Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings. #Quotes #Sayings #FunniestSarcastic #Sarcastic #SarcasticQuotes. Slogans Hub ...Money one liners. I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right. One liner tags: life, money, sarcastic, time. 94.54 % / 1854 votes.Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible. 13. I threw away my can opener. It was more of a can’t opener. 14. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. 15. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. 16.Sarcastic one liners. Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away. One liner tags: attitude, beauty, sarcastic. 80.47 % / 627 votes. share. I think we should get rid of democracy. All in favor raise your hand. One liner tags: …Dec. 5, 2021. At a vice-presidential debate against Walter Mondale in 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung one of the acerbic one-liners he was known for. "If we added up the killed and wounded in ...Get ready to burst into laughter with these funny one-liners. Discover the best collection of jokes that will leave you in stitches and brighten up your day.Today, we often use sarcasm not only when somebody or something makes us angry but also when we need to cope with a difficult situation. Read the collection we put together for you, and let us know in the comments what other good jokes with sarcastic undertones you know. #1. "I wish more people were fluent in silence."This article is part of a collection of 17 funny lines to use to end a conversation, published on a women-focused blog in the funny category. Related: 2. Sweet Dreams. Hope I'm in Them. If you need to end a conversation with your crush, you don't want to be rude. That's why you should use this flirty line.Jun 16, 2023 · Funny One-Liners. 1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 2. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. 3. I failed math so many times at school ...I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here. One liner tags: animal, death, rude, sarcastic. 82.22 % / 1639 votes. The only thing more important than your happiness is mine so get on it. One liner tags: happiness, rude. 82.14 % / 626 votes.50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. Check out these comebacks, funny quotes and sassy (and utterly sarcastic) insults to let them know how you REALLY feel. ggrant._.ggustin. 25 funniest one-liners to make you smile. Here are some funny one-liners that all me smile.Jun 1, 2018 · And when you want to impress your friends with your movie knowledge, check out these 30 Movie Facts That Will Blow Your Mind. 1. "She doesn't even go here!" Mean Girls (2004) -Damian ( Daniel Franzese) calling out an overly-enthusiastic speaker at an anti-bullying assembly. 2. "You keep using that word.50 Funny Baseball Quotes. 1. It ain't nothin' till I call it. — Bill Klem, legendary Major League Baseball umpire. 2. There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead. AARP Membership — $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal.I have a hunch, it might be me. One liner tags: attitude, puns, sarcastic, work. 83.27 % / 531 votes. I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver. One liner tags: attitude, car, work. 82.66 % / 708 votes. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.Sarcastic one liners. I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right. One liner tags: life, money, sarcastic, time. 94.54 % / 1854 votes.By cutting the top off plastic quart oil containers, you can make interchangeable liners for the pockets of the apron. Watch this video to find out more. Expert Advice On Improving...Here are some funny one liners to help you out: 51. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”. – George Carlin. 52. “Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups.Funny Quotes. 1. “I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later." —Mitch Hedberg. 2. “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This ...